It’s been almost two years and I still can’t get myself to visit your grave. I’ve gone through the stages of grief and acceptance that come with losing a family member; but seeing your grave would only make the pain more concrete.
Without a grave to attach your memory to, I am able to pretend that your absence from Sunday dinners and holiday gatherings is because you’re somewhere else and will be returning home soon to tell me about all of your wild adventures. I know that you’re not sailing the ocean or driving down backroads finding trouble, but sometimes it’s easier to imagine those scenarios instead of facing reality every time I miss you.
My cousin, Garret, took his life in November of 2017. As we were both only children, he was the closest thing to a brother I knew. I had been at UF for not even a semester and my entire life at home was drastically altered in just one day. Although I will never know the whole story behind his death, I am so thankful for the community I found at UF that has helped me grow from this loss.
After leaning on some of the most amazing friends, I finally felt that it was time I did something on his behalf. I had been looking for a way to channel my pain into something positive, and around the one-year anniversary of Garret’s death, I found AMF. Actively Moving Forward is a national grief support group that was seeking members to start a chapter at UF. I immediately knew that this was my opportunity to help others get through similar experiences or even stop one altogether.
This fall has been our first active semester and I already have seen the impact AMF has left on me and our campus. We have bi-weekly support groups to foster open communication, and I even planned a leave-one-take-one encouraging note event that we hope to host monthly.
I believe that finding a community you can share hard times with is so important to a healthy college experience.
I hope to use AMF to show UF students just how important each of us are. Without just a single one of us, there is a hole left that no one else can fill. We each bring our own unique attributes and skills to this university and not a single person here can ever be replaced.
Love, Allison, a UF Student